New Year's Resolution

I am not into making resolutions for the new year. I never keep them. So instead I think I will list some "intentions" and "would like tos" for the year:
¤It is my intention to continue my focus on health and wellness.
¤I intend to continue on my path of spiritual growth.
¤I intend to continue with my weight loss/maintenance and physical fitness regimen.
¤I intend to continue to practice writing.
¤I intend to continue on the path of cleaner eating.
¤I intend to continue on my cooking journey (we try at least three new recipes a week).
There are a few new things I would like to do this year:
*I would like to start adding fish to our diet two times per week; not bottom feeder fish, my husband says they don't count.
*I would like to learn to build and manage a website and then do it.
*I would like to cut diet soda out of my diet. The stuff (all soda) is poison.
*I would like to stop using cooking spray.
*I would like to meditate 20 minutes every day.
*I would like to blog every day.
This all seems like a very doable list and so long as I do not dub them resolutions I should succeed!

Invisible

I know, it is crazy but I cannot help but feel invisible a lot of the time. I e-mail volumes and hear nothing. I post on Facebook. No response. I blog to silence. I write letters, ask questions, initiate communication, talk. My words seem to evaporate in the air. Am I hidden? Has everyone blocked me? Have I been cut off? Am I really that dull, unimportant, invisible? (Is everyone so self absorbed?) I am sure a lot of it is something I carry with me from a turbulent past; those pre-existing, deep seeded doubts and insecurities. They must ooze from my pores and surround me in an invisibility cloak, my very own self-fulfilling prophecy. The question is, how do I undo it?

New Sensation

I suppose it is a normal sensation but it is quite new to me, only discovered after my first born moved out of the house and three thousand miles away from my protection, care, guidance, and help. When he calls with an issue, which is not very often, I feel panicky almost. My chest tightens ever so slightly and my breathing becomes the tiniest bit more labored. I think it is good that he is so far away so he can work on solving his problems himself. He does just fine with it. So why am I having such a hard time? This is one of the few situations in my life that actually cause me stress. Why am I even thinking about this? And what can I do about it? Is it normal motherly instinct that is making me feel this way? Do I think he is going to fail, or fall, or give up? On every level that answer is NO but I cannot shake this damnable sensation. It feels like…deep down to my core like…helplessness. Why?